Narcissists' are NEVER wrong in their minds. They could be a serial killer and, to them, every victim deserved it and the narc would feel as if they did the world a favor and should be praised for their acts. If they ever apologize for something, you must read between the tea leaves, because apologies are never authentic and there is always a motive behind them. I figure it's to confuse you and get you to second guess yourself and lower your guard against them.
The idea of self-righteous seems somewhat akin to covert. I've lived with one of these for much of my life, and the perfectionism and judgmentalism is enough to drive anyone around the bend. You'll hear endless bashing of all kinds of people (including family members) because they don't measure up to the narcissist's lofty standards of ethics and conduct. There comes a point where you hear what they're saying, but you no longer listen. Effectively it's like putting your hands over your ears without physically doing so. These are the people who insist on doing favors for you without being asked only so they can hold it against you when you're not repaying them how they like.
I've experienced this with family members and ex's. They seemed to have strong opinions about how I maintain my physical appearance, staying thin, wearing feminine clothes and make up... What I want/need to do with my time... I felt like I had to fight just to be accepted as a person, and not seen as a toy to make others feel better about themselves
The way they complain and get all worked up about other peoples shortcomings has me seeing just how broken they truly are. I am learning to gray rock. but sometimes I have to to say to them " no one is perfect" to bring a realistic view of others and themselves into focus. It don't last long till they are on to the next put down.
If necessity is the mother of invention then chaos is the mother of creativity. If we couldn't find ways to play with every toy we had at once when we were children then we weren't having fun. I kind of see how those who would banish all chaos from their home will find the rest of the world and its people to be infuriating. The hypocritical contempt and double-standards and double-binds are absolutely infuriating. Do as I say, not as I do… and don’t point out MY failings or flaws… or you shall be SEVERELY punished.
I let the external factors take charge of my life. I let them influence how I feel about my worth, and they guide me to fear pain along with my concern about what others believe about me. Then I thought how can I fear pain? I am living in it. It's time I focus on my growth by excluding the negativity of what others or anyone person believes. I own my body and mind. I need to feel the pain that is caused by external factors. Then focus on my self awareness that I have neglected; then build myself into the person I want to be. The self righteous narc is master of the back handed compliment.
So the righteousness is a defense mechanism to protect the person from self-reflection into their own self-development. Accepting other people never goes the way we expect it but such people can't cope and resort to judging and criticising
To me, the self-righteous narcissist reminds me of Sam (the bald eagle) from the Muppet Show. Sam seems statuesque, a moraliser. He is a man of censorship. He is characterized by a lack of humour (as most patriots probably) and knows what is of cultural value and what is trash. - And he is the only one who believes in the art of Wayne & Wanda.
Being raised by a self-righteous narcissist gives you a very uncomfortable relationship with things that are "right" and "wrong" and the world. Trying to come to an understanding on what works for you as a person is such a struggle. Trying to figure out on whether the decisions you make for yourself are good ones or bad ones. Are your decisions for yourself the right ones/the best ones? Are they too self-serving and inconsiderate? Does your ego need to be checked and be more thoughtful of others? How much do you need to consider others when it comes to yourself? When do you stop caring? When do you start caring? Do you just go on with what feels right? What if what feels right is actually harmful to yourself and/or others? Sometimes you come to the conclusion of "well if it's wrong, so what, everything I do is wrong anyway!" "When do I start caring about what works for me?" Or to avoid feeling insecure of any your personal decisions you just do what is "right" cuz it feels safe from criticism. Having to make decisions can be such a haunting task along with committing to anything because what stands before you are always "is this right or wrong"? And by whose standards and what works for you? Doing nothing can often seem like the best answer all the time. I often spend lots of time away from the world and in bed not having to interact with whats right or wrong at all. Or do you throw the whole question out the window and just do what you like? It's a constant pendulum swing and a state of confusion. You can also view the world as a very unfair place as people get what they want in the world by doing the "wrong" things as your constantly plagued with having to make the right or wrong decisions and feeling like your held to have to live by a different standard than others. A standard that doesn't work for you. Its very isolating. Being self-conscious and critical like this are all results of narcissistic abuse by a self-righteous narcissist which I have experienced.
They always proclaim the best of intentions and then play their poor me sob story? Then they dont let you get a word in edgewise and you don't dare address anything they did do to hurt you because "how could you misjudge their intentions?".
I think that the self-righteous narcissist does derive some pleasure from religious holidays if it they consider themselves to be particularly pious and it gives them a chance to demonstrate it publicly (as opposed to living it the rest of the year). Even if they're not really religious, but fancy themselves quite the Norman Rockwell-/All-American type of parent/spouse, they may be attracted to get togethers (school games/Thanksgiving, etc.) that allows them publicly to indulge that delusional fantasy; they also have little use for the spouse/child that does not contribute to it. And, because they have the perfect external image that reinforces that delusion, admirers will flock to them and coo with praise. Heaven help the N's dependent who does not participate in the public adoration!
I know one, maybe two. Proclaims to the world how hard he works, works the hardest of all, MUST enforce all the rules like the Sheriff of the town, and goes around breaking them. I get so tired of catastrophizing and victimhood. Even admitted that he knew I knew he was breaking rules to me when we were talking! I suppose he was putting his feelers out to gauge my reaction, hard to tell, they do so many data collections in parallel its hard to tell what the ultimate purpose is. Bait for reaction, test the waters, test your knowledge, test the limits of the rules, and I don't know how they both think you're stupid for letting them get away with it and at the same time you're smarter then they are because you catch them red handed! These people induce Mentacide, and it needs to be codified as a crime.
Self righteous ones tend to be the ones who come charging in first to save the day,(hero/saint) then they will never actually follow through with conviction,(the front, as well as love bombing) they also play the "victim and dumb" but blame shifting the accountable actions on those who are less. They find it easier to cover the truth up then dealing with the problem at hand. Blame shifting again. They will use conversation in circles always coming back to the "victim" an evade the original topic at hand. These folks are found likely in positions of authority, law enforcement, attorney, judge, management, mayors and government officials, active military. This is where the communal narcissist overlaps, they choose these positions to assert their control "morally" and make a living at it, so societally speaking gives them access to the validation without question or reason of authority, because it's ana automatic given with these stations in status
This is where the rigidity and appearances enable their innate drive for success.
"I have always gotten good grades, went to church, got a good paying job, had a "healthy" lifestyle, etc"
These are the kind of people whose overlapping is like as said, communal, is they will give 3 million to a charity for an orphanage then go home home to his 3 kids and wife and completely ignore and invalidate their existence, they will "give it all away" but expect you to be a beckon call person/personal assistant.
Another way they are similar is passive aggressive and frustration, and spiteful which is displayed in action and behavior as "you owe me" this is on the more raging side, but since their GODS they don't misplace anything.
Their obviously doing it all on purpose. Evil has a face, and a name.
You know it's sad, these are "persons" who rather be coercive, demanding, oppressive, threatening, abusive, aggressive and all things vile and evil,
then changing their imaginary self image because they can't.
These are the people who think they are entitled to change the whole world around them rather then changing themselves, and then rage and lash out because that obviously isn't going to work.
And think how mentally disturbed that really is, they refuse to change some tiny neuron pathways and rather destroy people's lives instead, and then blame them for it as well. All so they can keep living in their "ego" and never have to be in touch with actual reality or themselves.
But to them their the perfect ubermensch who should control everything because the rest is inferior.
And here we are, wondering, confused, questioning what has happened and why everything seems so ff'ed up.
I guess deep down it's hard to comprehend just how unimaginably evil they really are. To the point there's no use even trying to start to explain just how bad they are. Just look at the countless number of video's of Dr. Ramani and many others made about it and we still haven't even seen the bottom of it. (because narcissists don't have one). And yes, even in these dire pandemic times where there's hardship and suffering enough, they still can't show any compassion or empathy at all but seem to rather take advantage of the situation even.
And can't you just feel how that has an undertow where it kinda wants to drag us down where we think "I am gonna teach this motherfucker a lesson" ? Kind of turning us into a abusive narcissist ?
Makes you want to go the Col. Kurtz way ?
Well, he was right about one thing "It's judgement that defeats us".
And isn't that the truth. We shouldn't try to judge them because that bites our own rear end, instead realize your dealing with dangerous loonatics who share the same mental illness type like psycho and sociopaths. And well, wouldn't it be easier if all narcissists would be viewed like that ? I mean it would be easier to distance yourself when you know your dealing with a known dangerous mental patient ?
And you probably are, or at least with a person who has serious tendencies and the foundation work to become one ? Don't wait around for it to happen to you.
Sneering, living on a glacier mountain top, one non-perfect move/tone/gift/non-action gets you painted with mud & thrown over the edge. Or if you show them up with your warmth/kindness/humanity the revenge is a coming! Like a real life game of Cluedo, don't lounge near the candlestick...
When I put the feelers out for help "oh but you'll have a privileged upbringing for the little ones" no thanks, we'd rather have our souls, we left it all.
How I am dealing with self-righteous narcissist types these days is to remember that I don't have to be them. And if i ever did turn into them they would hate it. I don't have to take the early morning walk (been there, done that and sadly I can't do that these days). There is the ghastly energy of "I am so much better than you" that will always come off these people. ... Around me there are also some communal narcissists who need to be in charge. Provided they are not trying to run a country or a state, then I applaud them and let them overload themselves. At the moment, two are jockeying for the same position in the pecking order of a little group i belong to. It is comical to watch
I am able to handle these types better: just not take them seriously or personally. I don't live with them: If I did it might be more difficult. A mantra I sometimes find useful is: "this is not a popularity contest". It helps free me to be me
Irony is how much weight they put on sitting on the 3rd row on Sunday morning….and talk openly about it to everyone…yet don’t put ANY stock in the values that are taught on Sunday morning. Then has the stones to say…”I’m happy with the road I’m on”.
These are the worst They are perfect ,and can do nothing wrong, while they find fault with others and PICK on others. The worst You are always walking on eggshells... "You're a bad mom"
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