Abdul Abulbul Amir (Explicit Version)

The harems of Egypt are fine to behold and the harlots are lovely and fair
But the fairest, a Greek, was wed to a sheikh called Abdul Abulbul Amir.
A travelling brothel came into the town twas run privately by the Tsar
Who wagered a buck that no-one could out-fuck Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.

The peasants did shout the announcement came out in an ad in the Gulf Gazeteer
And plunged into debt to get in their bet on Abdul Abulbul Amir
For Abdul would ride with his bride by his side his face all flushed with desire
He had it decried that he could out-ride Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar

It was only the Jews who wagered he'd lose they believed that the prince was a queer
But the rest of the Persians would believe no perversions of Abdul Abulbul Amir
Count Ivan agreed Prince Abdul agreed to compete in the city's bazaar
Ten merchants were shot to secure a clear spot for Abdul and Ivan Skavar

A day was arranged for the spectacle great twas agreed on by Sultan and Tsar
And the streets were all lined with harlots entwined around Abdul and Ivan Skavar
The Sultan rode by with a wide open fly expecting the harlots to cheer
But all eyes were fixed on the two massive pricks of Ivan and Abdul Amir

Tsar Petrovich too attended the do with a telescope watched from afar
While one of his band wanked him off in the sand as a tribute to Ivan Skavar
They stood at the track with their cocks hanging slack the starter's gun punctured the air
Both were quick on the rise, the crowd gaped at the size of Ivan and Abdul Amir

The harlots were shorn no Frenchies were worn Abdul's arse revved up like a car
But he couldn't compete with the slow steady beat of Ivan Skavinsky Skavar
Now Ivan had won and was cleaning his gun and bent down to polish his pair
When he felt something pass up his big hairy arse twas Abdul Abulbul Amir

The harlots turned green, the men shouted 'Queen!' they were ordered apart by the Tsar
Twas bloody bad luck, for Abdul was stuck up Ivan Skavinsky Skavar
They needed a crane a tow truck and chain to rescue the unfortunate queer
Ivan said in a huff I've had quite enough of Abdul Abulbul Amir!'

Now the cream of the joke it came when they broke twas laughed at for years by the Shah
For Abdul the fool had left half of his tool in the arse of Skavinsky Skavar
Upon Persian men Old Abdul ranks high best ran 'neath the pale Southern star
For he shagged to a standstill the pride of the East Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar

The sad Grecian maiden her long vigil keeps with a husband whose tastes have turned queer
With the nights growing long, she longs for the dong of Abdul Abulbul Amir
The moral, my friend of this pitiful end is plain for all to hear
When seeking your bit don't get stuck in the shit like Abdul Abulbul Amir