Did I hear someone say Nicole? Lo and behold, out of left field, the never boring dark horse contender, Anna Nichole, outshines all the other "Party Bimbos and fulfilling her destiny, ups and dies in a fucking hotel in Florida! Fucking perfect. Who could ask or anything more? That the same fate awaits Paris Hilton?
Tragic, tragic loss of her beloved son ouch, that's gotta hurt; on camera breakdowns (and it's always the "celebrities" that have the on camera breakdowns that buy it early, you notice?). What was dear sweet departed Anna famous for anyway? I don't remember. She never released sex tape, did she? Some frat boy blowing chunky cum all into her surprisingly deep and intelligent eye.
All I think of when I think of Anna is boobs and a weight problem and then suddenly last year, I wanted to fuck her again in the ass.
She's another one. You'd want her to blow you, absolutely, but you'd secretly be wanting to fuck her in the ass. Even you ladies out there. Admit it, come on you and ramming a big black dildo up Anna Nicole's wobbly waiting to explode middle aged ass.
I do feel a sense of the cliché inevitable ending of St. Anna (the Protector of all the scooped out casualties who've had a taste and then became fodder) sadness. You know, she was hot wool and couldn't help the script she was living out.
What I really miss is the future classic Z list made in Taiwan reunion of Anna Nichole and Kirsty Alley as two escaped Lesbian Female Sumo wrestlers belly bumping their way to Enlightenment in "American Sumo Mamas II"
Who gets the one dead millionaires money now though? The son's gone (was he the dead millionaires kid?). Anna is too maybe Al Qaida killed her. Was Anna Nichole murdered?
I hope so because that would satiate our current need to asphyxiate ourselves on the lives of other people who should be fucked in the ass. George Clooney, I'd fuck him in the ass. Michael Jackson David Swimmer, Brad Pitt, Julliette Lewis, Anabella Jolie or whatever pretentious Moonflower wannabe Cosmo 70's name she has oh dear sweet God smiling down upon us from heaven, I'd fuck her in the ass. The list is endless. Even non-contenders like James Earl Jones I could see fucking in the ass. Madonna oh my word let's just make this observation and change the subject. There's only one celebrity that I can think of that I wouldn't want to fuck in the ass and that's Sean Connery.
Why are the same people we put on pedestals and love for basically having plastic surgery and an agent (speaking of wanting to ass rape celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, I don't care about your new boobs anymore than I care about Fascist agendas, so no matter what you do to the fun bags to sell press, in my mind it's drilling for oil, that sweet sweet black gold that makes you "famous" in my eyes.
Anyway, Anna Nicole, your dream came true. Enjoy it and God rest your soul. You think her box may have smelled a bit? I get a sense it did. Yeasty or something.
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