Return Of The Fabulous Metal Bozo Clowns
Bring back denim with lovely patches on
And stupid girly bonnets and Donny Osmond,
Do you really know what I'd like to twat
Are those seventies glam bands with haircuts so crap,
You think you had attitude did you think you were tough
You've got to be joking with haircut like muff,
Now you've passed on all your worldly skills
To the next generation who think its a brill,
To block up my lungs block up the gents
With lipstick and hairspray where are the men?
Did you leave behind as your symbol token
A load of crap songs and a lamppost that was broken?
You're always played at weddings at new year, barmitzers and charity
Just fuck off back into the seventies and stop plaguing me,
Especially when I turn on the TV and there you are again
On a naff clothing advert well its improved, it's full of women,
It's the return of the metal bozos clowns
Here it comes the big clown rap about those seventies people I want to slap,
Vander Graf Atomic Rooster are first in line for a sawn off shooter
Next in line Noddy Holder and Slade how much cash do they want to make,
Merry Christmas Everybody that record is truly sorry they just keeping re-releasing
Every year it sounds even more appalling the seventies go down in history
As a shameful embarrassing memory, Joker bands for the weak and feeble
The only saving grace was Pan's People, at least a few were truly great
They escaped the glamorous glittered fate, Johnny Lydon Stiv Bator MC5 Or the Dictators
But they keep re-releasing every year it sounds even more appalling,
It's the return of the metal bozo clowns
Betty Ford's Clinic
It's that time of year it's time to go abroad,
It's time to go on holiday and visit Betty Ford's.
Get some beers right down my neck,
I'm gonna get right out of my head,
I can't help it, I'm not pure but Betty Ford's will have the cure.
Alcohol, at Betty Ford's it's cost me loads of money,
Money I could have blown, on buying loads of heroin,
And smashing up grannies hornets but now I've been to Betty Ford's
Learnt all my life, I'm coping to copy Ozzy, and go and kill my wife.
Rad Dude
Don't talk to me about your scene,
And that anarcho ideas are more than dreams,
You've got a board and a baseball hat,
Don't fill me with your right on crap.
So you've got a board - Rad Dude,
And you listen to SOD - Rad Dude,
And the scene is heaven - Rad Dude,
You're only eleven - Rad Dude.
No meat, no food, no sex you never get the opportunity to shop at Next,
You wish you were a big puffy glam then you wouldn't have to give a damn.
Then I could spray my hair about the ozone layer, I wouldn't care.
Then I wish I was glam, then I wouldn't give a damn,
Then I could spray my hair the ozone layer I don't care
Rad dude I'm the Rad Dude
Feet Cleaner
I've paid my money so where's my swag
I've paid good money for a regal shag,
You're breasts are pert and you smell so sweet
So why do you wash my rancid feet,
I fell for you my love and your girl like charm
It's a shame that my feet smell like a pig farm,
They came between us tore us apart
So cleanse my tootsies make them unarmed,
Feetcleaner they came between us
Chiropadise is to compromise
So my love so sweet can get past my feet,
The course of true love it never ran straight
Because I've been taken away from my primal mate,
She was a tart I was in a band
But at least I rooted her sweaty gland,
They came between us tore us apart
So cleanse my tootsies make them unarmed,
Got to get up I've gotta get up What?
What? What? Got to get up
Woof woof woof
Feet cleaner they came between us
Lawnmowers For Heroes, Comics For Zeros
I hate comics, they suck the big one I long for the day when Marvel is long gone,
Comics are for pre-pubescent moronic slime who've got nothing better to do with their time,
The one I most hate is Superman,an underpant wearing flying phallic gland,
On Krypton he collects his strength and girth, I wish he'd been aborted at birth,
I hate Dan Dare and the Mekon with no hair they live in space,
I wish they'd stay up there, stupid comics full of space ships,
I'd rather read a magazine full of gardening tips,
Batman and Robin help people out a tight spot,
Batman and Robin so fucking what,
They live in Gotham, what do they want, a clap?
If they lived in Bradford they'd still be crap,
Swamp Thing I really do despair, looks like a marshmallow with seaweed of hair,
What kind of hero is that supposed to be a walking giant sea anemone,
Come and join me in the human race, where there's no super heroes in cartoon space
A Is For Asswipe
All right me old asswipe with your blinded vision
Starring out of your tunnelled blinkered world,
Narrow Minded Blinkered Fool it's no surprise to me
That you can barely see more than three or four feet
Right in front of thee, Bigoted Preconceived Ideas,
You are a complete asswipe a totally wild and dangerous man
Mixing and testing with ideology dealing your drugs and singing in bands,
Down on your luck, scraping for cash feeding the masses with polluted stash
Injecting the serum from you to the half-wit the toxic milkshake will bulge out your wallet,
Accept Your Crime, OK me old asswipe the system has decided
It won't here of this they'll put a stop to it, it's not good enough for you
To serve out national justice you were right and they were wrong
So you'll become an anarchist, listen, sing in your band
A better life for a growing man don't preach your blinkered tribe
Because you are a grade A asswipe, you came we saw we laughed in your face
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